THIS CRAP IS NOT EASY!!!
1. The customer who incredibly unexpectedly comes in two minutes before closing.
Fine, I guess I have to do their meals. Oh, they want something braised? FUCK OFF.
2. Seriously. Hearing this at 10:58pm is the absolute worst.
And even when you’re off, you’ll hear it. You’ll hear it in your SLEEP.
3. Friends making “helpful” suggestions about how to cook food.
No. I am never going to listen to you.
4. Running out of toilet paper.
5. Someone trying to call in sick because they “have a headache.”
You’re just hungover, you should be here. I mean, I’m hungover too, but I’m here.
6. Customers asking for their steak well-done.
Great, I’ll make you some cardboard as a side then, it’ll taste about the same. Oh, and thanks for fucking up my timings too.
7. Customers sending food back because they didn’t realize what they had actually ordered.
No, it’s not steak with Tartar sauce.
8. Seeing someone else s kitchen and discovering IT HAS WINDOWS.
Bastards. I bet they know what daylight is.
9. Anyone who wants sauce on the side.
This is why you shouldn’t be allowed nice things.
10. Friends and family complaining that you don’t seem to be around for any important occasions.
Did you think I hadn’t noticed?
11. Realizing you’re never truly out of work mode.
The constant yelling doesn’t go over so well in the rest of the world.
12. The guy on the line who always wants extra hours…then to leave without cleaning down.
Not surprised you don’t have any money.
13. The prep crew not doing their job properly.
Things that are not Leeks Julienne – whatever those are.
14. Customers who ask for so, so many modifications.
There’s actually a really easy way to get it exactly how you want it. And that is to cook it yourself.
15. Someone bitching about not getting a break.
HAHAHA. “A break.”
16. Eggs Benedict.
Any eggs, actually. And really, any breakfast.
17. People not saying ‘behind,’ when moving hot things around.
Warning It can hurt.
18. Suppliers calling to have a conversation…right in the middle of service.
It’s not possible they’ve ever sold anything.
19. Anyone, ever, screwing up the walk-in.
Technically, this is a breach of contract that means the offender is allowed to be flayed alive. Technically.
20. Anyone using the wrong knife for the wrong thing.
These all have a purpose. And it’s always a different purpose.
21. The owner making a completely nonsensical decision, and you having to go along with it.
Cajun-inspired sushi with a Greek twist? Sure, totally awesome idea.
22. The newbie spilling stuff.
Wastage, extra slippery floors, and time wasted. Awesome.
23. Anyone touching your knives.
24. SEE #23 IT’S THE RULE.
DON’T TOUCH MY DICK SO DON’T TOUCH MY FLIPPIN’ KNIVES!!!!
25. Friends who complain about the fact they have a job that makes them stand up for four hours a day!
Awww, so hard for you.
26. Anyone who asks for something gluten-free.
Sure, you might have Celiac disease. In which case, fine. But you don’t, do you?
27. Someone not sharpening their knives properly.
There’s a reason I’m finding it so much easier.
28. Getting denied the first beer after shift for some arbitrary reason.
Y’know, and the eight after that.
29. An injury.
I cut/burnt myself? Where?
30. That moment when everything suddenly goes wrong at once, and everyone gets screwed for the whole night.
Might as well write the night off, cause you’re not coming back from this.
31. That moment when you’ve done doubles for 17 days in a row with no end in sight and nothing makes sense anymore.